It can be hard to enjoy the holidays when there’s a noticeably empty chair at the table. Whether you concluded the burial services a month ago or two years ago, it is perfectly normal to feel intense melancholia when the holidays roll in. After all, though you may have healed and moved on, the heart just doesn’t stop pining for your lost loved one because love simply never fades.
Sadly, the sense of loss can be more brutal and intense during the holidays because it is generally filled with family reunion dinners and other joyful gatherings. If the funeral or cremation services are still fresh, it is okay for you to sit out on the festivities and give yourself space to mourn.
However, it is also completely fine if you choose to partake in the celebrations. There’s no right or wrong way to do the holidays. It all depends on how you’re feeling. Here’s how you can navigate the busy holiday season yet still find time to create good memories even without your loved one by your side.
Release Pent Up Emotions
It is common to feel guilty to enjoy holiday festivities, especially if the loss is fresh. However, remind yourself that your loved one would not want you to live a life of sorrow. Therefore, do not suppress your feelings, whether it’s joy, sadness, anger, confusion, or regret. Instead, feel the full spectrum of your feelings and find a healthy release.
Though it sounds easier to hide your feelings by putting up a front, this approach is unsustainable and more damaging. Putting a brave face will eventually erode your spirit. Instead, express how you feel to your family and friends. They are naturally worried about you and will feel relieved to hear an update. Besides, you can do therapeutic activities with them, such as:
- Making memory books
- Engaging in painting
- Writing a journal
- Crafting Christmas projects
- Sing Christmas carols
Share Fun Memories With Close Family & Friends
Sharing favorite memories with relatives and close friends is a good way to create happy memories over the holidays. Instead of focusing on the loss of your loved one, divert your attention towards more fun projects. You can try the following activities:
- Watching the favorite movies of the deceased
- Listening to memorable playlists
- Recreating the favorite dish of your loved one
- Lighting up a memory candle and sharing fun anecdotes
- Eating in favorite restaurants of the deceased as you share stories
Sharing good memories is a healthy way to adjust to the loss, especially if it is your first holiday season without your loved one. The first is usually the hardest because wounds are raw. But over time, you will gently transition into a more peaceful place and adjust to the holidays without your departed loved one’s presence. Though it is hard not to have them during your holiday dinner, you can celebrate their memory while enjoying time with other family members and dear friends.
Remember to Be Kind to Yourself
The holiday season can be quite overwhelming, even for people who are not mourning a loss. However, the pressure magnifies when you are grieving a lost loved one. Remember, be kind to yourself. It is perfectly okay if you want to set up boundaries. If attending a party feels too much, don’t feel bad about declining because your family and friends will understand.
Do what you feel most comfortable with because everyone knows that grief can take its toll on someone. If you don’t want to feel bad about skipping reunions, you can prepare gifts and a card ahead to send in lieu of your absence. It would also help to assess what gatherings you feel most comfy with. For instance, you may feel more comfortable with an intimate Christmas dinner instead of attending a big New Year’s Eve holiday bash with tons of people. Protecting your peace is paramount in trying times, so go ahead and rest to recover.
Stay Hopeful for New Days to Come
Death is difficult, especially when the holiday season rolls in. Sometimes, holiday traditions are a double-edged sword. They can trigger the onslaught of happy memories, but at the same time, they can also remind you how painful it is to live without your loved one. During this difficult period, strive for a healthy balance because no one should be alone during this season.
You don’t have to be the life of the party but being with others, especially those who share your grief, can be hugely comforting because it signifies you are not alone. Sometimes, something as simple as sharing a meal can pave the way for healing because it feels good to be surrounded by caring people.
Feel every emotion this holiday, from good to bad. And remember, cliché as it may sound, but time indeed heals all wounds, and things will eventually get better. Live with hope in your heart because your deceased loved one wouldn’t want to see you traversing the rest of your life in perpetual sadness.