Things to Keep in Mind When Mourning

Experiencing grief is a very life-changing event. The loss can be so devastating you will not be the same person again. The thought of losing someone you love is so shuddering that the subject is altogether avoided in many cultures. However, the subject of grief is something that must be confronted, no matter how difficult it may seem for it is one sure step to recovery. Talking about it contributes a great deal to the unloading of this terrible burden. While the process may feel long and difficult, in the end, it provides a valuable lesson to those who went through this journey. Today, let’s talk about the importance of accepting these negative emotions and what to do in these dark times.

This will be a two-part article and this being the first of two.

The Pain Always Lingers More often than not, people who deal with the loss of somebody they love tend to blame themselves for the loss of that someone. They retreat into their safe spaces and refuse interaction and possibly forgo the things they used to find enjoyable because they would feel guilty about it. They will go into self-punishing mode because of a perceived negligence on their part. This can result in them being shut out, not only from the very people who can help them deal with the pain but also from the other areas in their lives that need their utmost attention – their priorities. Some people even refuse to simply visit the cemetery because they don’t want to face the music. The pain can be so debilitating, so numbing that it wouldn’t even want to make you get up from bed in the morning.

The first step in overcoming this is to accept that while things are really bad, you are not at fault with what happened. You should not be apprehensive about admitting this to yourself. This will lead you to the realization that this grief will be permanent and time will just allow yourself to bear with the pain so it hurts less, but it always will be there. The sooner we accept this, the sooner we can tell this to people with a straight face and thus we are in the first step of moving on; because this is what it’s all about, getting back on track.

Let’s Talk About It

Once the person who is experiencing grief is able to come back to the world, the issue now is handling the rough conversation of having the topic of your loved one’s loss opened up. This was briefly touched in the first entry that it’s important for one’s recovery to talk about this in an open and honest conversation. This is a traumatic experience and it can help to just talk about it to someone who is willing to listen. Although, what happens, in the beginning, is that friends and colleagues might be hesitant to go up to you and breach the subject because it is a sensitive thing to talk about and so this makes awkward moments. But, counter-intuitively, talking about it usually makes the griever feel better rather than worse. Talking about it gives closure to your weary soul just like the burial service program gave closure to the life of your deceased loved one.

Never Forget to Love Yourself 

To love yourself is to forgive yourself. We are human and we are flawed. Loving ourselves means accepting these flaws and imperfections and the things we cannot control. What we can do is to improve on ourselves and change the things we can control that we think need changing. The past is now a memory and the future has not come to pass. What we must be aware of is the present. Being the best versions of ourselves today is the way to overcome the evils that plague the mind. And, if you think about it, this is also exactly the thing that our dearly departed wants for us. The road is long and bumpy but the path to recovery from pain is self-acceptance.  This will lead us to the thing that we have left during our mourning period. Self-acceptance leads to confidence and when we are confident about ourselves, we tend to get things done. We must seize every day because every day that passes that we sulk in our room, looking away from things we should be taking care of is another day we drag ourselves into more sadness and depression.