Death is painful and there’s no sugarcoating it, whether it’s a long-term illness, a sudden heart attack, or an accident. When someone who plays an important part in your life dies, it may feel as if you’ve lost a small part of who you are. Since the loss of a loved one rocks your world, it may be hard to let go and move on.
That’s why grief is a process that takes time. There’s no end date to a grief journey because the stages of grief, such as denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance, are cyclical. These emotions ebb and flow akin to waves, so you may find yourself angry one day and extremely sad when a song or a birthday triggers your memories.
People also mourn and cope in different ways. But despite these differences, one thing is certain in your grief journey. You may find yourself asking yourself tough questions such as why did this happen to us, could I have done something sooner, or is it time to move on? If you find these questions reverberating through your head, fear not because you’re not alone. Having questions flitter through your mind is a normal part of the grieving and healing journey. Check out the most common questions that assault your head when you lose a loved one.
- What should I do to get over the death of my child, sibling, parent, or spouse?
When your loved one dies, it is normal to feel unbearable pain. You can’t help but wonder why a higher power would let something like this happen to your family, especially if it’s a sudden passing or if it’s the loss of a young life. It’s hard to imagine what the lesson is or see anything positive in these trying times.
It would be helpful to remember that death is not something you should overcome because you can’t fix it. Death is a natural part of life that you cannot outrun. Instead of trying to get over it, you must learn to adapt to a new normal and accept it. Cry your heart out and mourn because it’s only when you release emotions that you can let go and move on.
- I feel alone in my sadness as if no one understands me, so what’s wrong with me?
If you feel alone all the time, even when you’re surrounded by family and friends or support groups, there’s nothing wrong with you. Grief is very personal so it’s normal to feel isolated. People don’t uniformly respond to death. Moreover, each individual reacts differently to grief. Even if you share the same loss of a child with someone, how you cope and how they do it may be different.
Hence, it’s understandable why you feel alone grappling with your intense emotions. You may find yourself laughing at a song one moment and crying the next. But remember, even if you feel that no one can understand what you’re going through, it’s vital to talk about how you feel. Release your emotions so they won’t fester inside of you.
- Why does it feel like some family and friends have become distant?
During the mourning stage, you may feel as if some people in your life have become distant. At times, it may even feel as if they’re not there to support you. Bear in mind that when you lose a loved one, this alters your life and your world. Sadly, some people may feel that they could not relate to you. Others may also feel uncomfortable and have no clue what they should do. They love you and feel afraid of hurting your feelings even more so they give you space.
When you feel as if your friends have grown distant, take matters into your own hands and reach out to them. Speak up because they can’t read what’s on your mind. Have a good chat and tell them how you feel so they’ll understand where you’re coming from. Ask for concrete help by telling them to buy you groceries or helping with laundry. Often, they are just waiting on the sidelines and will generously offer a hand if you give specific requests.
- Am I crazy for wanting to see a therapist?
Seeking professional help after the death of a loved one is a healthy choice. You are not crazy or sick in the head for wanting help during these trying times. In fact, you are courageous for acknowledging that you cannot handle your pain alone. Society should normalize speaking to a therapist during trying times. Mental health matters because it affects physical health and could impact the way you function in your daily life. Unleashing negative emotions under the guidance of a professional can arm you with the right coping tools.
However, if you’re prescribed medication and you feel uncomfortable with that, let them know. Ask them questions about why they’re recommending this course and find out what will happen if you refuse to take it. Perhaps you can also explore alternative solutions.
- My loved one died months/years ago, but why don’t I feel okay?
It takes time to recover from the loss of a loved one. Even if it has been years since you buried your beloved, you can still feel pain months/years after their demise. It’s not the same as scratching your knees or breaking your wrist. There is no prescribed period forcing you fully heal after a certain time frame.
Remember, be kind to yourself since your healing journey is a process, and it will take time to recover. There may even be days wherein you feel as if you have backslid. Sometimes, a song or a scene from a movie will hit you hard and make you cry. And that’s normal because you long for the person you lost. But over time, you will feel better. Losing a dear person is akin to losing a limb. The pain may feel unbearable at first, but it goes away in time. You eventually function without it, but you will always know that it’s not there. Missing someone could linger because love never ends.