To say funerals are difficult is an understatement. In fact, it can be worse that anyone could have imagined. People are at their most vulnerable state, with everyone’s emotions opening like uncontrollable floodgates. Anything can happen, anyone can express their grief in multitudes of ways.
Whether it’s a relative, office mate, friend or partner, losing someone is possibly the most tragic thing in the world. If this happens to you, attending a funeral feels like the biggest challenge you’ve ever come across with.
In preparation for someone’s funeral, there is no hard and fast rule. Dealing with death is relative, which means what works for you may not necessarily work for someone else.
If you are about to attend a funeral of a dearly departed and find yourself at a loss of what to do, then allow us to lend a helping hand. Here are a few thoughts on how you can prepare yourself for the service.
What to Expect at Funerals
Cultures and families differ from one funeral to the next. Other services evoke a more somber, mourning mood while some want to focus on celebrating the life of the deceased. Remember, no funeral is the same. However, it would help to know what to expect, especially if there are very specific rules or guide set by the mourning family.
A great way to show your respect and oneness is to be part of the service, whichever way you can. Whether it’s to arrange flowers, fix the food or be one of the pallbearers, it pays to be involved. Not only will this aid the sore feeling you have inside of you. It will also be a good way to extend a helping hand to those who may be more emotionally paralyzed.
A Funeral of Someone Close to You
If you are close to the departed (family, best friend, partner), then understand that this will be a very hard day for you. Stop worrying about trying to maintain your composure. Everyone will understand how you are feeling. They too, are dealing with the pain in their own way.
Be open to the comfort of others. All of you are mourning and one of the best ways to find a sense of solace is with each other. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the people around you, greeting you and paying their respects, allow yourself a break. Breathe and take it slow.
A Funeral of a Distant Friend or Relative
Don’t punish yourself for laughing or listening to the radio on your way to the funeral of someone not that close. Your job is to pay your respects and support the family of the departed. Let everyone work his or her feelings out. Show up and let them know that you are there to offer a shoulder to cry on. Smile and give people a hug if need be.
Dressing for a Funeral
Do not think too much about what you have to wear for the service. Something decent, nice and presentable will do. The important thing here is your presence. However, do take note of any cultural specifications a service may uphold. If you need a suit or dress to be dry-cleaned but are rendered helpless to function, call a friend to help you out. If you’re going to need to shop for clothes, have someone accompany you.
Participating in the Service
Whether you are to do the eulogy or performing a song, it would be good to practice before the actual service. This will give you the feel of what to do as well as to prepare you physically, mentally and emotionally. Allow yourself to pause and reminisce. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. As this is a tribute to your departed beloved, s/he would be more than happy that you have committed yourself to doing something.
Preparing to Greet People
Be prepared to greet people in attendance, especially if it’s a small service. However if there are a lot of guests, be sure to have a guestbook so you know who is in attendance. Keep in mind, you don’t have to feel obligated about having long conversations with everyone greeting you. A simple thank you, hug or a squeeze of the hand is more than enough to show your gratitude.
Preparing for Uncomfortable Conversations
You may be caught off guard by people whom you feel end up making insensitive statements. Try your best not to mind it because the words may have come out wrong, that these people are simply mourning in their own way that they find it hard to express themselves. Instead of losing control, excuse yourself from the conversation. You could also decline to answer certain questions that make you feel uncomfortable.
All we could ever wish is for this funeral to have never happened in the first place. However, we do not have full control over what happens in life. The best we can do is to prepare for it, to be with the people who are mourning with you and to still believe in the hope that things will be better and brighter. Know that you are not alone and that there is always a hand waiting for you to hold when everything else becomes too much to bear.