We all cope differently when someone dear to us dies. As adults, we have better means to understand our feelings, make better sense of it and hopefully, address these emotions properly. Moreover, we’ve had much time in this world compared to others, particularly children.
Children have a very different perception of life. They see things in a way that possesses more innocence, curiosity and wonder. That’s why when the time to deal with death and attend a funeral comes, they need more attention now more than ever.
Helping your child deal with death means practicing a few certain ways so that he/she will have a better grip of what’s going on. This becomes particularly important when the deceased is close to the young one.
If you need help on how to prepare your children for a funeral, then you’ve come to the right place. Below are some words of advice that may make things even just a little better for you and your kid.
Talk about death through simple words
Death isn’t a concept that’s crystal clear to any of us. Even us adults have a hard time coming to terms with it, much more for children. The best thing to do is to talk about it in a way that it’s simple to understand. Becoming too vague may lead your child to believe that death isn’t something tangible or real. This will all the more add to the confusion s/he feels. Try to avoid words like “sleeping”, “lost” or “passed away”.
Direct and simple but caring words such as “I have some sad news to tell you. Grandma died today.” From here, pause and allow your child to absorb your words.
Make sense of emotions by putting them into words
Next to understanding the situation, you now need to help your child make sense of whatever they’re feeling. Of course, even for us, this is a lot to take in. For a young one like your kid, this may be quite overwhelming. It certainly doesn’t feel simple but another ideal way of making sense of one’s emotions is by using words.
Phrases like “I know you’re feeling very sad. I’m sad, too. We both loved Grandma so much, and she loved us, too,” can mean all the difference in this world.
Listen and comfort
At this point, your child could be asking questions, crying or at a loss. This is when you must extend comfort, listen to what they have to say and try your best to answer their questions. Remember, keep it as simple as you can.
From here, you can tell your children what to expect afterwards, such as attending a funeral or doing rituals. Explain in words like, “Lots of people who loved Grandma will be there. We will sing, pray, and talk about Grandma’s life.”
Explain the funeral process
It’s also very important that you tell your child about what happens in a funeral, This depends entirely on your personal and religious practices of your family. What’s essential is for your child to have at the very least, a sense of what’s about to transpire during the occasion.
You can tell them about the deceased being lowered, flowers being thrown at the coffin as well as cremating the body. Again, don’t forget to pause and let the child absorb what you’re saying. At any point, they might ask questions again or feel overwhelmed. Always provide as much comfort as the child needs. After all, grieving is a shared experience.
Involve the child in the process
Depending on how young the child is, s/he may be willing to be involved in the process. Whether it’s selecting the clothing, picking out a casket or singing a song, if the child wants, it’s always best to let s/he feel that they belong in the occasion; that they too, have a purpose during the funeral.
Despite it being a tragedy, a funeral is still means to bonding a family and strengthening that connection. Allowing your children to partake in the tiniest piece will emphasize this bond and help your relationship grow.
Dress them for the occasion
Putting on the right clothes is just as important to adults as it is for children during a funeral. They don’t always have to be wearing a suit and tie. Any smart casual or formal wear will do.
Them wearing such clothes, including formal shoes, will remind them of when they are in school or in church. This gives them the idea to remain behaved and pay their respects properly.
Be there for your child
It’s going to be a rough road ahead. We all cope with death and deal with funerals in many ways. That’s why it’s important to be there for your child as much as you can. Let them feel that they are not alone and you are them to care and support for them during these trying times.