Finding time to attend the funeral and burial services of a dear family member or friend is a critical part of honoring the memory of the deceased. However, there are certain circumstances wherein failing to make it to the cemetery or memorial is acceptable. For example, if the person is outside your immediate family, you may be deciding whether to attend or not. To assuage your concerns, check out the following common scenarios wherein it’s okay to fail to participate in the funeral.
Traveling Proves Difficult
One of the most common reasons many people skip the funeral services of a family member or friend is due to the distance. If you need to travel cross country or live overseas, it is understandable why you may not be able to make it to the service. However, don’t worry because close family and friends will understand. After all, it is pretty expensive, time-consuming, and energy-draining to traverse the miles. Besides, there’s an added risk now due to the pandemic. So be honest with the deceased’s immediate family about why you cannot make it. Send a sympathy card and gift instead in lieu of your presence.
Feeling Physically Unwell
If you have a health condition, no one will criticize you for missing the funeral. After all, feeling ill makes it challenging to travel and attend long events. Should you feel unwell, you can opt to sit things out. Prioritize your health and wellness, especially if attending such a sad and emotionally-draining occasion will only make you feel worse. Instead, let the family know you are thinking of them by sending a token or card.
Respecting a Private Funeral Service
A funeral is a very emotionally trying time. Thus, not all services are open to the public. While most families welcome anyone who wants to attend, some families prefer more private and intimate gatherings. For example, suppose you find news about a memorial service being conducted in honor of a deceased friend. However, you did not see the information on an obituary, or it was not shared with you by the immediate family directly. In that case, this funeral may not be open to others. For best results, look for a death announcement and obituary online, as this will provide more specific information. Alternatively, you can reach out to a family member or someone well connected to the immediate family to verify.
Taking Care of Very Young children
You may opt to sit out on the funeral services when you are in charge of taking care of young children. If you cannot find a babysitter, missing the service is acceptable because young kids are quite fragile and still too immature to understand. They cannot handle the service and have no patience to sit through it. As a result, their pent-up energy may force them to become disruptive, ruining the event’s solemn ambience. If you cannot secure childcare and feel uncertain about bringing your young kids, everyone will understand if you skip it.
Dealing with Pressing Commitments
It is never good etiquette to ditch a funeral service simply because you have other plans, such as a party to host or concert to attend. However, some prior commitments are legitimate. For example, if you are serving your tour of duty in the military, it is understandable why you cannot just suddenly take time off. Even events like taking your board exam or the bar may be unmovable because the dates have long been set. For other events like a final exam or a commitment at work, you can ask your professor or supervisor respectively if they can adjust the schedule so you can be at the burial to pay your last respects.
Feeling Unsafe with Certain Family Members
Funerals are naturally very trying and stressful. It also has the power to trigger very dark emotions in some people. Unfortunately, some families have very complicated dynamics. If you do not feel safe attending the funeral because of other parties who may be present there, you can opt not to be there with them. Do not sacrifice your safety and mental wellness. Protect your peace because there’s no need to put yourself at risk. Your deceased loved one will understand.
These are just a few examples of why people fail to be present in funeral services. If you are in a quandary about attending someone’s service, take time for some self-introspection and analyze the situation. Simply skipping the event at the last minute because you felt lazy is hurtful. When there’s a legitimate reason, tell the grieving family, and they will understand. Instead, just send a token to offer assurance that you are one with them in this difficult time.
Alternatively, you can ask for a link to the virtual funeral because some facilities host live-streamed services for family and friends who cannot be there due to sickness, travel issues, military service, and the like. As a guest to the funeral, you have many options to show your love and care. Do not hesitate to reach out to the bereaved family members because kindness makes a big difference.