If you are wondering if family members and guests can wait while the grave is being filled during the burial services, the answer to this question is that it is possible. Customs do vary widely depending on geographical considerations. When guests want to be present when the casket is lowered into the grave then filled with dirt, the permission from the funeral director and the cemetery must be sought first.
Why Permission Must Be Sought
It is essential to ask because it is part of the protocol. The cemetery must be made aware in advance of the family’s wishes to be there for the grave re-filling when they make burial arrangements. Failure to inform ahead can result in the family’s request not being met. Each cemetery has its own safety regulations and procedures that must be complied with regarding this special request. Seeking permission ensures that the family and everyone else watching are all safe during the back-filling process.
Usually, burial plots are prepared the day before the funeral service. Once the mourners leave the graveside, the hole is then back-filled by the equipment. Usually, cemetery crew wearing hard hats and safety work gear are there to ensure that the process is seamless. They also make the place tidy after the filling process and ascertain that all the work is completed on the day of the burial itself.
How Cemeteries View the Task
When you examine things from a cemetery’s viewpoint, the task of digging soil and covering the grave is not a simple one. It is a tough, industrial job that needs machinery and manual labor. It will entail moving equipment, taking down canopies, and transferring dirt. Depending on the facility, tractors or backhoes may be used. It will be noisy and, well, dirty! But someone has to do the job.
If you do stay behind for everything, keep in mind that the crew will be out working all day outdoors. They shall not be wearing respectable suits, and their speech may not be as polished as the traditional day jobs. Some sensitive family members and guests find this kind of sight objectionable. But you must remember that these good people are there to be of service to your deceased loved one, so that he or she can be happy in the final resting place.
Manage Expectations During the Proceedings
You must manage your expectations when you request to see everything from the lowering of the casket to the plot being filled. It will not be a pleasant sight. Be prepared to see some glitches because even though the cemetery team takes great pains to ensure that the burial job is fluid, at times, tractors unexpectedly break down, the weather messes up the soil, or the hole was smaller than anticipated.
Glitches can happen in the burial proceedings, just like how bad stuff happens in real life. Preferably, most cemeteries would like to fix their errors outside the eyes of their clients, especially in a sensitive case like a funeral. But in case family and friends want to be present, most cemeteries will most likely acquiesce to your request. You just need to give them a heads up so they can prepare for your presence.
Reasons for Staying Behind
Some people opt to wait while the grave is filled in because it is a part of their culture. Some family members also engage in putting some bit of soil into the graves themselves as a part of their religion. When you want to execute this kind of tradition, the cemetery must be made aware when the burial is arranged.
In addition, the cemetery must also be notified who will be there to watch the filling process. The cemetery staff also need to know if other rituals shall be conducted and how long each one will take because they also have a busy day ahead.
Final Word
After you watch the grave filling, you must keep in mind that it won’t look pretty right away. Though the cemetery staff will make the plot tidy, it will take some time before you can design the space and erect a memorial onto the grave. It will take several weeks or even months before you can place a large headstone because you must wait for the ground to settle. Placing something heavy on top of newly filled soil can cause the ground to cave and collapse.