Grief is a devastating burden to carry for anyone. If your friend loses a loved one, you are one of the pillars of support to get them through the tough times. After all, cliche as it may sound, but “that’s what friends are for,” which means being there in the good times and even more so in during the bad times. You have to step up to the plate to offer care and comfort, even if it feels awkward and difficult. 

As a close person to the one grieving, you have to provide bereavement support, even during times when it feels as if your friend is pulling away. Immediately after the services, your friend may want to be alone and grieve in peace. However, there’s a difference between quiet time and total isolation. The former can be a healthy means of coping with the loss but the latter can spiral into depression. 

Fortunately, there are many things you can do to reach out to a grieving friend while still providing a safe space so they can mourn in quiet solitude. Here are some ideas to help you give your grieving friend breathing room while still being present and letting them know you support them unconditionally. 

Let Them Set the Tone and Pace

Your friend may not want to talk about their loss. And that’s okay. Remember, don’t push your friend but be present. Bear in mind that just because they don’t want to converse now doesn’t mean it will always be this way. After all, grief is a complex process and people react differently to the loss of a loved one. One way you can give space is by allowing your friend to set the tone and pace. 

Start by listening and watching out for non-verbal cues so you can assess if they’re comfortable about opening up. Sometimes, this means having an intense talk about their emotions. Other times, it could just be sitting with each other and sharing hugs in silence. Pay close attention to what they say and do. Some people find it cathartic to share their thoughts immediately after a loss, while others need time off to heal. Let your friend take the lead, but remind them that you’re always there when they’re ready. 

Speak Naturally as You’ve Always Done

When people are grieving, there’s this tendency for others to feel awkward. You may even find yourself tiptoeing around your friend to avoid exacerbating the situation. And that’s a normal reaction because you don’t want to cause more burdens for your friend. As a result, you could potentially find yourself avoiding words like death or saying the name of the deceased. Perhaps, you may think that avoiding the topic is a helpful way to give the bereaved space. 

However, don’t forget you are a close friend. Though on some occasions, formalities like “My condolences” or “I’m so sorry for your loss” may feel appropriate. But when it comes to your friend, these words may not feel genuine or authentic. If you take this kind of distant tone, it may become more harmful than helpful. Don’t be like other guests who beat around the bush. Instead, don’t be afraid to utter the name of the deceased and talk directly about the loss. But this doesn’t mean you should constantly bring these details up in your conversation. Be thoughtful and empathetic. Most of all, be tactful when you speak with your friend. 

Continue to Reach Out 

Although you may feel discouraged when your friend shuts you out while they’re in mourning, you should not give up entirely. Remember, though you allow them to set the pace, it is equally important to reach out. Even if you don’t see each other often nor talk on the phone constantly, sending a text message and offering affirmations will help. It’s a big deal for the bereaved to know that you’re always there. 

Though some people push others away when they mourn, they end up feeling very sad and isolated. Usually, they feel ambivalent about reaching out, especially after they told you they need a break. So don’t get tired of letting your friend know that you’re there and ready with a listening ear when they feel ready to talk. An occasional text message every now and then is the most practical way to reach out to a grieving friend who wants space. A quick SMS will let you touch base without intruding on their privacy. 

Strive Hard to Maintain Balance

When you see your friend struggling after the death of a loved one, it is normal to want to provide after care. As a true friend, you want to help out as much as you can. However, it is vital to remember that just as people mourn differently, everyone also has unique needs and coping mechanisms for handling support.

Thus, you must strive hard to maintain a balance between giving your friends space and being there for them. Although it may seem like a difficult task, as the one who knows your friend the most, you will be able to handle these tough times with grace. Apart from sending the usual flowers or helping with chores, consider sending healing resources like books or attending a support group with your friend. Being present, even from across the mile, can make a world of difference when it comes to supporting and being there for the person you love.