Death is already tragic but death by suicide seems to be especially traumatic to those who are left behind. Coping from the death of a loved one who committed suicide is a bit different from death through “normal” circumstances. But still you need to cope with the loss – although this time, differently. How can you help someone to recover from grief after a loss by suicide? Here are some tips you may want to consider.
A. Helping Others To Recover
If a friend or a relative lost a loved one through suicide, here are some of the things that you can do to help.
1) Let him say anything he wants
Allow your friend the time to grieve and let him say anything he wants. Or if he wants to keep quiet, let him be. Just give him enough time to grieve. But it doesn’t mean that you will have to leave him alone. Even if he wants to scream, let him scream – but be there, close by his side. He may be rash in saying things, but you have to try to prevent him from harming himself if he seems to be getting rash in doing things that may harm himself.
2) Don’t say anything.
Your friend must be allowed to say anything he wants. But what about you? You should keep quiet. Don’t tell him that what he is saying is wrong. You will just heat up his emotions even more when you contradict what he is saying. You may feel awkward while sitting there in silence. But you must know that the best help you can give your friend is just by sitting there at his side. If you keep quiet and just sit there by his side, what you are saying without uttering a word is that “you love him and you are there to give him help.”
3) But help him physically
It is customary for people to give flowers and sympathy gifts to someone who lost a loved one. But seldom do people give the grieving physical help such as doing household chores, cleaning the yard and all the mundane things that have to be done every day. Your friend who lost a loved one will be grieving for weeks and months after the incident. Therefore, show him that you really love him by helping him do his household chores until he fully recovers.
B. Helping Yourself To Recover
If you are the one who lost a loved one through suicide, here are some steps that will help you recover from grief.
1) Accept the fact
If it happened, accept the fact that you cannot change what has already been done. This is a very difficult thing to do especially right after the incident. But this is the most important first step that you must do in order to go further to steps two and three. Admittedly, it will require determination and grit, but it must be done if you are to recover. When you begin to accept, you won’t blame anybody, even God anymore. Your energies can be turned into something more productive.
2) Forgive
The next step is to forgive whoever you are blaming for your loss. If it’s the one who committed suicide, forgive him. If it’s someone whom you think is to blame, forgive him – even if that person is not asking for forgiveness. If it is yourself who is at fault forgive yourself. Forgiving is crucial to your recovery so it must be done. In forgiving, you are releasing the tension and stress in your heart and in your mind. Prolonging this agony will only adversely affect your health. When you forgive, you release all these tensions in your nerves and your blood circulation will improve which can bring improvement to your health.
3) Understand
After you have accepted the situation and forgave all those concerned, you can complete your recovery by understanding the reasons why it happened. If you can understand the situation, or the motive of the person who committed suicide, you will understand why it happened. There is no need for you to give judgment whether it was right or wrong. But understanding will lead to compassion. And being compassionate is your best route to full recovery.