Losing your spouse is painful and devastating. When you started your journey as a couple, you thought you would spend the rest of your life in each other’s arms. But life can sometimes throw destructive curve balls. The painful loss of a spouse is a reality many people have to contend with. When all the ceremonial proceedings are done, all you have left is a cold cemetery headstone, pictures, and your memories.
If you are facing the death of a spouse, you may feel uncertain if you shall have the will and energy to survive this significant loss. Without a doubt, it will be a difficult time for you as you try to find your footing and new normal. As you mourn and grapple with your spouse’s death, it may feel like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. If you need guidance on coping with the loss, keep reading as this article suggests practical ways to help you heal from the death of your spouse.
Be Patient with Yourself
Losing your spouse is not easy because this is supposedly your life partner who you intend to grow old with. The reactions you feel may vary depending on your marriage life, how old your children are (if you have any), how your spouse died (was it sudden or a long-term illness), and how dependent you were on each other. If you feel numb, anxious, or confused, that’s okay.
Give yourself time to cry because losing “your person” is a tragedy. Openly express your thoughts and feelings because grieving is a crucial part of healing. Be patient with yourself and take it easy. If you don’t feel like doing anything, for the time being, it’s okay to take a break and rest.
Realize Your Grief is Unique
You might cry a lot, or maybe you’re just silent and only shed a few tears. How you grieve is unique to you. Do not compare yourself with how other people mourn, even if they’re your relatives. The way you respond to stimuli is not the same as with others because you have different personalities.
Moreover, your disposition is generally influenced by the occurrences surrounding death and other losses you have experienced. It will also be influenced by your support system, religion, and cultural background. There’s no grief manual so you will have a process that’s your own. Somedays, you may feel fine, and other days, you feel like a mess. And remember, just because you’re not bawling doesn’t mean you don’t feel the painful loss. You will have your own pace in mourning.
Take Time Sorting Personal Belongings
It is all up to you to decide what to do with your spouse’s personal belongings. As your spouse’s closest life companion, you have a right to do that. If your spouse made end-of-life arrangements with a will, it would be cathartic to follow and respect the wishes of the deceased. Take your time in looking through the things.
Do not force yourself to deal with it when you are not yet ready to. Don’t let other people pressure you or decide for you when and how to sort through things. It won’t hurt to let your spouse’s belongings stay where they are for now. When the time is right, you will have the energy to deal with it. Only you can decide when that time is.
Find a Support System
Don’t ignore your grief. Keeping it bottled inside can lead to a devastating meltdown. There are many ways you can grieve and learn to accept the loss. Finding a support system might be difficult for you in the beginning. After all, no one can truly understand the depth of your relationship with your spouse. But when you’re in pain, reaching out to others is essential. Remember, no man is an island. Seek out people like your caring friends and relatives who will genuinely support and understand you in these trying times. If you want to, you can talk about memories of happier times with your spouse. Your friends and family would surely love to support you in these trying times.
If you don’t feel like opening up to them, finding a support group will help. Reaching out to others is the most compassionate action you can make for yourself. Think of it as self-love, so you don’t feel overwhelmed by intense emotions. It is a critical step that could help you manage your grief and help you on your path to healing. Finding your support system is crucial. For some people, grieving can last very long, becoming unhealthy. It can be a sign of depression and anxiety. You need to see a professional like a grief counselor or therapist when that happens.
Take Care of Yourself
When you’re grieving, you may find that making yourself busy helps in keeping you distracted from your pain. Family and friends will be there to assist you for a while, but time will pass, and you will have to face the reality that someone important is noticeably absent in your household. Grief is complex, and it may affect your health. Hence, it would help if you took good care of yourself. Find time to exercise. Make sure you eat healthy food and have enough sleep. Smoking and excessively drinking alcohol are also not suitable for your health.
In the early stages, you might lose interest in cooking and eating, so it helps to call on friends or relatives to have someone to eat with. If eating alone at home feels too quiet for you, you can try turning on your radio or your television while you eat. You can also try talking with members of the religious community you are part of (if you have). A lot of people in mourning find comfort and healing in their faith. If you are one of those people, you might discover praying, talking about your faith with others, or listening to uplifting music comforting. Do whatever you can to ease the pain so you can go on with life-bearing hope in your heart despite the loss of your spouse.